I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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