i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
