Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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