im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
