ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
