I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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