I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
