What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
