Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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