Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
