I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
