"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
