Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize