Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
