yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
