Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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