Ambien. No doubt about it.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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