dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Couch. On fire.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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