We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
