i think my tv is drunk
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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