I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
