we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
