so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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