i permit you to call me
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
