he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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