hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Too much gin, very little bucket
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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