A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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