apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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