You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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