Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
whose ass print is on the piano?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
