its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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