They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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