Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
