ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
