It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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