Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize