If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
