Me. At least after what I've been through.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
