so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
