FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
