woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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