Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
