I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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