He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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