i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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