I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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