Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I currently don't understand fingers.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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