Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
