The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
