Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
