I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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