The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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