I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
