Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
