yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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