she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
