it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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