Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There's always time for handjobs
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
