I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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