put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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