Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
