so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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