Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
