i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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