Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize