loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
