3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
