i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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