It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize