and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
