I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
