Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
