my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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