Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
