Got a toothbrush?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
