So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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