I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
