And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
