i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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