I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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