420 ftw
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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