i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
