i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
