at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
