I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I want to be your penis for a week.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
