I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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