Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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