So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
