I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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