Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
