fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
