I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
