tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
