i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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