my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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