No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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