You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
