Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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