Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize