we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize