Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
