NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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