my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
