Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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