she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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