She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
