Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
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