Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
