ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
