Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize