i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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