dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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