Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i drank out of a bidet.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
