omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
