My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
